Suck Fine (ouch!)

As most of you probably know, after an agonizing and fruitless summer of looking for a job I was forced to take a job at the local grocery store, Shur Fine. It saved me from a total fiscal meltdown, but every minute I spend working there kills me a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I love (most of) the people I work with; Jon, Joe, Ron, Jake, Chaz, Aaron, and especially Ray provide me with endless mirth. But every can I touch makes me shudder. Every time I cut open a box I feel like slashing open my own wrists. I want to throw plastic bottles at the sadists who bring them in by the hundreds in big black garbage bags.

As if performing these tasks for virtually no money wasn't bad enough, there was a strongly worded NOTICE stapled to my paycheck this week. I think everyone at the bottom got one, since it appears to be photocopied. In broken English typical of Shur Fine, it offers such criticisms as, "When shocking shelf item are to be put in proper spot's." I agree with the English version of that statement, along with most of the other corrections. Basically, stuff should go where it belongs, and litter should be cleaned up. I already do a decent job in that respect, but whatever, I'll keep an eye out. But the final two items on the notice I find highly offensive.

First, it says "Buddy system ENDS NOW." Never, I say. In a given 7 hour shift there are only about 2 hours of actual work to be done. The hardest part about the job is learning the snail-like pace required to actually fill the day. So what better way to fill some time than mingling with the guys? At least then we won't all be in a miserable mood when we have to talk to a customer. And like I said, joking around with the other guys who work there is the only thing keeping me sane. Working without the buddy system is like solitary confinement. I'd blow my brains out." If this actions are not corrected people will be looking for new jobs," the notice warns. Way ahead of you, Shur Fine. I don't value your $5.34 an hour* more than my own sanity/life.

To top it all off, the note ends by blindly accusing everyone of eating and drinking items that haven't been paid for. According to the note, "I have a good idea who you are! Keep it up and you will be GONE!" The first sentence is a lie, because if they did know who it was then they would talk to/fire the person they suspected. As for the second sentence, stealing has always been against store policy. I guess maybe this is just a reminder. If anything, this note should encourage the thief to keep up the good work. Your system is working, thief. For the record, I haven't stolen anything from the store, so I find it pretty insulting to be accused of it, especially in such a threatening way.

I'll do your dirty work and gratefully accept the smallest paycheck you're legally allowed to give me each week, but don't accuse me of things and threaten to take it all away like it's a prize on Let's Make a Deal. If it was it'd be one of the joke prizes like a straw hat (see right).







*actual wages after taxes