Arnold Night, Part I

A few weeks ago I got the strongest craving to watch an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. I knew it would be a waste to get a bunch of his stuff from Netflix and watch it by myself. Arnold deserves an audience! Not to mention it's just way more fun laughing at the extreme buddiness of it with other people who can appreciate such things. So I decided it would be necessary to get a bunch of guys over to watch some of the Arnold classics. There was one man I knew who could make or break this Arnold Night, and that man was Moose. So after many weeks of trying to work out our schedules, we were finally able to meet up, along with Jake, Rugger, and Joe, for a night of classic Arnold.

First came Pumping Iron, the documentary that opened the world's eyes to Mr. Schwarzenegger in the first place. All I can say is that I have a newfound respect not only for Arnold, but for bodybuilding. I still don't really have any interest in following the sport, but I see it in a new light. According to Arnold, the competitors are judged as if they are living statues. It's not just who has the biggest muscles, but about the proportions of those muscles, and the symmetry of the body. Their pose routine is designed very precisely to show off their body, and a poorly-executed pose will not show off the body the way it is meant to. So it takes discipline and grace in addition to maddening hours of lifting weights.

But the main draw of the film is the Arnold interviews. He says some pretty crazy things, from claiming that his father's death did not affect him, to bragging about destroying other lifters' careers with his bad advice. The high point of the comedy came when Arnold described "The Pump," the feeling he gets when he lifts weights:

Let's say you train your biceps. Blood is rushing into your muscles and that's what we call The Pump. You muscles get a really tight feeling, like your skin is going to explode any minute, and it's really tight - it's like somebody blowing air into it, into your muscle. It just blows up, and it feels really different. It feels fantastic. It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven.

There is also some dramatic tension in the contests themselves. The documentary crew follows the training of Lou Ferrigno (TV's Incredible Hulk) as he attempts to break into the professional bodybuilding world by dethroning five-time champ Arnold. This contest is prefaced by a quick look at an amateur-level contest. We see one builder planning to psych out his opponent by hiding his things right before the match. Later we see the frustrated athlete searching everywhere for his favorite t-shirt, with no success. The mind game works, and he is shaken enough to get bumped out of the contest. Much later we will see Arnold play even more serious games with Ferrigno, which adds an interesting psychological element to the competition.

Next up was Raw Deal. I honestly had no idea what was happening at any point during this movie, but I think I had a good time watching it anyway. There were a lot more laughs than in Pumping Iron, but most of them were just because of the startling ineptitude of the filmmakers. However, there was a post on the IMDb message board about this movie that pretty much summed up everything I loved about it:

Things I learnt from 'Raw Deal'...

1) It's totally fine to cause millions of pounds worth of damage, go on killings sprees, effectively cheat on your wife, and give the woman your cheating with loads of money, as long as your pretty much a good guy. Infact, you might even get your job back!

2) The best way to fake your own death is with a massive explosion.

3) Don't worry about getting away from this explosion. As long as you drive slowly away on a motorbike, debris and heat can't touch you.

4) If you want to make friends, go to summer camp.

5) If your going undercover, just change your hair. A bit.

6) Cigars are cool.

7) A few bottles of champagne really wipes you out.

8)People in wheelchairs can walk, they're just not trying hard enough!

9) Your wife won't care that you've faked your own death and left her for a while - she'll get herself pregnant while you're gone.

10) Nobody gives Arnold a raw deal - and lives.

[note: I just took my favorite 10 things from the whole thread, so this isn't an exact copy of that list. So you can't sue me.]

Arnold Night was such a success, we're planning to do it again very soon. Possibly tomorrow. Potential movie candidates include Commando, Last Action Hero, and both Conan movies (The Barbarian and The Destroyer) !