Now on Facebook

Yeah, I realize I haven't updated this thing since last summer. But while I'm jumping on bandwagons and joining Facebook, I figured I'd breathe some life into this sad, pathetic shell of what used to be a thriving, virile blog.

I'll probably keep the posts shorter and more frequent, but who knows. Maybe I'll just do one elaborate post with pictures and weird links every couple weeks.

In conclusion, God must exist... or so says the banana-fellating Australian man.

The Plight of the Rich

For those who didn't already know, I'm delivering pizzas in Wilson for the summer before going off to Delaware for grad school. Wilson is a lakeside town with a lot of money, but today I had to deliver to a house that completely redefined what "rich" means to me.

As I pull down their long, perfect driveway, I see a black Jaguar sitting in the driveway turnaround. "Nice," I think, and walk up to the door. A girl in her late 20s comes to the door with a phone and couple bills in her hand. "$27 even," I tell her.

"Do you have change?"

"Yeah, how much do you need?" Keep in mind, it's about five o'clock, so this must be one of my first deliveries. She hands me a crisp $100 bill.

"Uh, I don't have that much change."

"Uh-oh. Hold on a second," and she starts dialing on the phone.

Just then another car starts pulling down the driveway. I don't know a lot about cars, but I know it's a luxury car just by the aura it exudes. "Oh, here he is," the girl says, as if I had known who she was calling.

The car pulls up and parks in the garage, which I was later told also holds a jet-ski and boat. Out gets this grumpy-looking guy in his 40s. He looks annoyed at the girl.

"It's $27," she tells him.

"Why didn't you just give him a 50?" he asks.

The girl looks at me like you do when your parents make a pop culture reference that's wildly out of date, like everybody knows $50 bills went out of style ten years ago. "I don't have $50 bills," she says.

The man pulls out his wallet and pulls out a 20 and a 10 and tells me to keep the change. I beat it out of there and get back to the real world.

The whole incident makes me realize the difficult issues rich people must deal with on a regular basis. Not being able to fit all your expensive sports cars in your garage, people not being able to make change for your huge bills...

P.S. I would never complain that $3 isn't enough of a tip, but I regularly get that much from people in the trailer park a few miles down the road in the other direction, and they don't make me stand there while they flaunt what wealth they have. Just makes you think.

PS3 at E3

I love E3 every year, but most especially during the years when new console systems are coming out. I think the announcements from Sony concerning the PS3 are probably the most exciting E3 news I've heard since I blossomed into full nerdhood circa 1998.

You can watch the entire 2-hour press conference at Gamespot, like I did, or if you're a normal person you can just read the condensed version I'm about to post. I know some of this stuff is old news, but in case you haven't been following along, here's all that was said about the new system, in order:

-It will play PS1, PS2, and PS3 games, along with DVD and Blu-ray movies (if you don't know what Blu-ray is, it's most likely the successor to DVDs. There's a competing format called HD-DVD that's already available, and cheaper to produce, but less impressive).
-Every system will come with a hard drive! There will be a 20GB model as well as a 60GB model to choose from.
-Online components will be incorporated into many aspects of the system, including the obvious online play and downloadable content, as well as "community"-type functions such as messaging and friends lists.
-The new controller is not shaped like a batarang, but fully resembles the familiar PS2 controller. Even though it's wireless, it is lighter. And to top it all off, it senses movement in six ways: XYZ movement, as well as rotation along the XYZ axes (pitch, yaw, and roll, for you aeronauts).
-The system will be released in the US on November 17. The 20GB model will cost $500 and the 60GB version will cost $600.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that XBox came from behind and stole my heart toward the end of the current generation. Its system was more powerful, had generally better games, and the S-type controller turned out to be very intuitive. But it seems like the shoe is on the other foot this time around. The XBox 360 is now the system you need to buy add-ons to make complete. Instead of incorporating a next-gen storage medium, they stuck with plain DVD (and are planning to release an HD-DVD addon sometime in the future). They are expected to announce a motion-sensing controller at E3. And of course, the hard drive is not a standard feature either. Keep in mind that just because it is possible to have a new controller, hard drive and HD-DVD support, developers now have to make games assuming that consumers have none of them (because why alienate part of the market by making games their system won't play?).

The PS3, in addition to being a next-gen gaming system, will be among the cheapest Blu-ray players you can get right out of the gate. I bet a lot of home theater enthusiasts who have no interest in video games will want one for that reason alone. On top of that, game developers will know that every PS3 owner has a hard drive, and can make games with that in mind. That will mean shorter loading times, for one thing, but could also mean faster framerates, greater graphics and texture processing, and who knows what else.

As for Nintendo, I still see their controller as an incredibly interesting prospect. The PS3 controller has motion sensing, but without an external sensor it won't be able to detect the controller's position in relation to the screen the way the Revolution (err, Wii) controller can. Seems like a minor difference, but I can see certain situations where it would come in handy, like drawing football plays on the screen, or using the controller as a pointer. These PS3 announcements seem mostly aimed at Microsoft, and I think the Big M should be pretty afraid right now.

Of course, it all comes down to the games in the end, and most of the games they showed were pretty lackluster. A bunch of fighting games, some war simulation games, and some first person shooters. Metal Gear Solid 4 and that untitled Naughty Dog game are the most exciting of the bunch. If Halo 3 is better than Halo 2, then the 360 might be worth picking up for that and Oblivion (after the price drop, that is). But right now it looks like Sony has the edge. Just show me some games I actually want to play!

Summer reading

(sorry about this annoying empty space, it's the only way I can get text next to a picture... don't ask me why)

"[John] Steinbeck states about East of Eden, 'It has everything in it I have been able to learn about my craft or profession in all these years.' He further claimed, 'I think everything else I have written has been, in a sense, practice for this.'" I just finished East of Eden, and dammit, I loved every word of it. It further cements my belief that Steinbeck is the greatest American novelist, and has bumped The Grapes of Wrath as my favorite book by him.

So now that I'm done with that, it's time to make a summer reading list. Here are a couple titles I'm kicking around, but I'd love suggestions from anyone who reads (hey, isn't that what you're doing now???).

On Beauty, by Zadie Smith
I've heard nothing but good things about it, mostly from Jess, but also Entertainment Weekly, which named it one of the best novels of 2005. Count me in.

The Truth (With Jokes), by Al Franken
Let's get one thing straight: Franken is the man (assuming people still use that expression). I linked to a nice conservative blog by a psychotic bitch I saw on O'Reilly that time I made the mistake of watching Fox News. It doesn't really say anything about the book, but tries to make Al Franken sound like a raving lunatic. Makes me want to read it even more.

Metamorphoses, by Ovid
I read selected stories from this in Humanities class my sophomore year, and was astonished at how graphically entertaining it is, even by today's standards. If it was a movie it'd be a well-deserved NC-17.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S. Thompson
I've been meaning to read this since the movie came out, and somehow haven't done it yet. The link goes to a "book review" that's really just a bunch of quotes from the book with some plot summary thrown in to tie them together. Some people just don't know how to foist their opinions on people...

That should get me through the summer, allowing room for some recommendations from other people. Or maybe another classic I've been putting off (Crime & Punishment?)

"Carlos" Mencia is a no-talent impostor

Cam's most recent post has re-ignited my hatred of Carlos Mencia. I just have to expand on the comments I left at his blog, and add some of my own fuel to his fire. First of all, it was obvious that this guy only got his own show because Comedy Central execs wanted a Chappelle's Show substitute. If I recall correctly, it was thrown together a few weeks after Dave went AWOL. That they think Mind of Mencia is even in the same orbit as CS is an insult not only to Dave Chappelle, but to all of us who watch their network.

Apparently we're not alone in our hatred, Cam. Joe Rogan hates Carlos Mencia with a passion, as demonstrated in this video, where he reveals that Mencia isn't even really Mexican at all! He's half Honduran and half German, and his real name is Ned, not Carlos. I don't think Ari Shaffir is too fond of him either, after Mencia stole a bunch of his jokes. Personally, Mencia's jokes are so unfunny I'd be ashamed to admit he stole them from me.

Here's a typical Mind of Mencia sketch: It's a song parody, first of all, which automatically places it pretty low on the comedy scale. Weird Al Yankovich is so elementary school. One thing it has going for it is that it's trying to poke fun at a larger-than-life celebrity. Chappelle scored major laughs with his R. Kelly "Piss on You" video, so why couldn't the same thing work for Mencia? Right? Wrong. Mencia made at least three major miscalculations here: 1) Kanye West hasn't done anything lately to deserve ridicule, unlike R. Kelly's widely publicized golden shower video. 2) Kanye West is extremely popular. People don't think it's funny when you make fun of someone they like. 3) Dave Chappelle has a talent for rhyming. "Your body is a porta-potty" is just plain brilliant. I doubt Carlos Mencia has even heard the song he's parodying. He says "Calm down, Kanye, settle down" at about half the speed of the original line "go 'head girl, go 'head get down," which kind of defeats the purpose of making a parody. Oh yeah, and there don't appear to be any jokes in the song.

That may be a good thing, considering the nature of "Carlos'" jokes (I know, it's a painful seven minutes, but it'll help you hate him even more). Instead of using race as a comedic tool, he makes racist stereotypes his punchlines. Yes, political correctness does sometimes go too far, but "Carlos" overcompensates by trying to be as offensive as possible and passing it off as honesty. Of course, the idea that Asians are bad drivers is no more honest than it is funny. And in case "You're not gonna think Kwang Pau is so cute when he's totalled five of your cars" is too subtle, he delivers every joke as if he had already told you the punchline and you didn't get it the first time.

Luckily for us, the video does contain his trademark "da-dada" not once, but twice. "Carlos" has repeatedly defended the sound, saying it isn't making fun of mentally retarded people, but is instead aimed at stupid people. I'm not sure how he would explain what happens about 1/3 of the way through the video above, when the girl in his video [i]clearly[/i] mocks the mentally disabled, accompanied by Mencia's trademark "da-dada." Finally. A comedian brave enough to openly mock handicapped people.

I'm baaaaaaaack

I know I haven't posted here in a long time, but I just watched Hannity & Colmes and there are a bunch of things going on in the world now that I want to weigh in on. Fox News is ridiculous and getting ridiculouser (that's right).

1) Immigration. Republicans call anything other than deporting 11 million people "amnesty." In their view, the issue is this simple: we have laws, illegal immigrants broke those laws, therefore they should be punished accordingly. With all the indictments, I'm amazed there are any Republicans left to pretend their party cares about the law. If they do care about the law (haha), it's clear they don't care about actually fixing the problem. During Bush's recent trip to Mexico, all he had to say to Vincente Fox, the economically incompetent Mexican President, was "We don't want people sneaking into our country who are going to do jobs Americans don't want. We want them coming in an orderly way."

First, there's no such thing as a job Americans don't want. If the pay is high enough, Americans will do any job that Mexicans will do. Americans will haul trash because garbage men get paid a living wage. Americans will not pick tomatoes for $2.50 an hour. Second, let's help Mexico fix their economy so that people don't flock across the border to find jobs. They were recently one of the top ten largest economies in the world, but are rapidly slipping to fourteenth. Those criticisms aside, I have to admit that at least Bush shows more compassion toward the poor than most of his fellow Christians (i.e., Republicans). Most of them simply don't care. "They should have thought about the consequences before breaking the law" is Sean Hannity's mantra.

Yes, let's secure our borders. But let's also reform our immigration legislation, offer ways for those already in the U.S. a path to naturalization, and help Mexico get their economy in order.


2) Duke Lacrosse team rape case. It's pretty disgusting hearing the Fox News talking heads practically gloating about the recent DNA tests that showed none of the team's genetic tissue was on the victim. Maybe the team didn't rape the woman. Maybe they used condoms. But the fact remains that a woman was raped!

Sean Hannity says the team was "smeared" and that they should sue the woman who accused them. Huh? She was hired to strip at a party hosted by the lacrosse team and was raped. She (logically) assumed it was the team members who did it. True, it could have been some other men at the party. Does that make her accusation a malicious attempt to destroy the team's reputation? Of course not!

As if that wasn't bad enough, the show after S&C suggested that the woman faked the whole incident. Apparently she had some visible scrapes and bruises in pictures taken before the rape occurred. Does that explain the fact that she left the house in a panic, leaving behind her purse and the money she had earned by stripping? Strippers do not leave parties without their money. Or what about the medical exam that confirms her injuries are concurrent with those of a rape victim? Not visible scrapes and bruises, but significant vaginal and anal tissue damage.

Why is the lacrosse team the focus of this case? The DNA evidence may or may not exonerate them. Time will tell. But why would anyone try to discredit the victim? I understand it must be terrible to be falsely accused of something serious like rape. But is that even remotely comparable to the horror of being gang-raped?

3) Natalee Holloway. Who the hell cares? Fox News is still talking about this! Yes, it's tragic that a young girl is missing (and in all probability, dead). I feel sorry for her family. But every day thousands of people die all over the world, and they are no less important.

4) Tom DeLay resignation. Two words: good riddance. Not only was he one of the most corrupt of corrupt poloticians, but he was a first-class asshole. Here are my five favorite quotes by this pillar of the community:

• [to Katrina refugees in the Superdome] "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?"
• "Emotional appeals about working families trying to get by on $4.25 an hour are hard to resist. Fortunately, such families do not exist."
• [on why he did not fight in Vietnam] "So many minority youths had volunteered...that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself."
• "The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills."
• [referring to Hillary Clinton] "Nothing's worse than a woman know-it-all."
  

Check out his WikiQuotes page for further examples.

5) French youth riots. In another display of idiocy by Fox News, Bill O'Reilly reported that the purpose of the new law was to make it easier to fire young workers "when they screw up." Can't they already fire employees who screw up? Of course they can. This law allows employers to fire young workers for no reason. The underlying purpose of the law is to make it easier to swap out unskilled workers after they've worked long enough to be entitled to raises and benefits.

The Rundown

Man, it's been a while, so let me just post a quick rundown of all the goings-on in my life since the last blog post:

1. I quit Shur Fine. Huzzah! I'm substitute teaching now, making more than double what I did at SF, getting called almost every day. Preliminary caculations put me at ~$450 for the last 2 weeks, but I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. Also, I was in Geneseo Monday and Tuesday, but they called for me Tuesday so I could have made another ~$75. Plus, I love what I'm doing, and that's the real important thing.

2. My plans for the future are both more and less certain by the day. I'm becoming more firmly entrenched in my conviction to teach, but the question of how to get certified is haunting me daily. I wanted to go to grad school at first, but there are a million programs that put potential teachers in urban schools where they're needed, and arrange for them to get certified while actually working. On top of that, I'm considering going into TESL/TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Language or Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). I'm finding that my Spanish is still pretty solid, maybe enough to get into some college-level classes after some brushing up.

3. I am in love with two French singers. Carla Bruni, who I think sounds a lot like Norah Jones, and Jeanne Cherhal , who defies comparison to any American singer I can think of. They both melt my soul, and make me want to learn French. And I used to hate French.

4. I got a new pair of jeans... OK, I'm reaching now. Not a lot has happened, but it feels like a lot.